How to tell someone they suck at driving

"Decay buys too many beaters" (decay)
08/21/2014 at 13:07 • Filed to: None

Oppo, I have a problem. A certain relative mine, who I very often find myself riding in cars with, is an absolutely terrible driver. I've driven cars on tracks and at autocrosses for a few years, spent weeks on small boats in the open ocean, been on planes more times that I can count, and I NEVER felt even the slightest hint of motion sickness. Never, that is, until I met this woman. I guess the most obvious two issues I have are with her braking and steering.

First off, I have NO IDEA how someone who has been driving for 30+ fucking years can not know how to modulate brakes. She treats the pedal like a switch, it's either full or no braking with little grey area. Coming up to a stop nearly always involves several hard braking and release cycles.

The other issue (and I think the one that contributes mostly to the motion sickness), is with her steering. She is absolutely INCAPABLE of holding a line in a corner. Instead she drifts from one edge of the lane and back again as if trying to divide every corner into as many small sharp turns as possible. By the way she also keeps her hands at 11 and 1 o'clock positions, so that might have something to do with it.

She has a few more shitty driving habits (poor merging, left lane sitting) but they fall more into things that annoy rather than actually scaring me. I think the worst part is she is CONVINCED of her driving prowess and that everyone around her is terrible. I have personally been in the car with her while hitting curbs and medians at over 20 mph because she "didn't see them", and more panic stop situations than I can list. Despite this, she claims that she has never been in an accident with another car that was her fault, but I think that is mostly due to people just now wanting to deal with arguing with her (she has one of the most severe cases of entitlement I've ever seen).

Basically, do I just suck it up and not say anything? Or can someone think of a gentle way of saying "I think you are a terrible driver, you are dangerous, and I feel dread at the mere thought of getting in a car with you"?

DISCUSSION (36)

mr_gofast > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:09

look her in the face when she offers a drive and say thanks ill walk - your driving makes my stomach heave..its polite enough to not be rude but it will get the point across unless she is a dumb as a bag of hammers.

dogisbadob > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:11

Does she drive a BMW in New York? :p

Decay buys too many beaters > dogisbadob
08/21/2014 at 13:12

No a Honda Accord in Portland.

MazdaMonkey > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:12

I have a friend who drives in a very similar fashion. We handle it by giving him a hard time all of the time, which he laughs and admits. We also don't let him drive unless he is the only sober person around. The scary thing is - he's a surgeon. You figure he would have better hand-eye coordination!

mcseanerson > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:13

Find an experienced friend with no relationship to her to provide "racing lessons" that primarily just focus on otherwise good car control technique. Show how proper braking will extend brake life and how smooth steering inputs will prolong her tires life. Don't even attempt to hint that she is a bad driver just that a "pro driver" friend of yours is giving out expert advice.

Nibbles > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:13

Father in law has this problem. I learned early on - and the rest of the family thanks me for this - to just offer to drive and "chauffeur" them around. Father in law thinks he's being pampered, everyone else knows I'm saving their lives :)

Decay buys too many beaters > mr_gofast
08/21/2014 at 13:15

She'd probably just assume I get motion sickness easily. Not dumb as a bag of hammers, but absolutely convinced that she is a good driver.

RazoE > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:16

Write her an anonymous letter.

mr_gofast > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:18

cant really win with those types.

yamahog > mcseanerson
08/21/2014 at 13:20

That's hilarious, and if she's as bad as Decay says then for the good of the local citizens they should try to keep it off public roads too :P

Decay buys too many beaters > MazdaMonkey
08/21/2014 at 13:20

Weird, she's a doctor, wonder if there is a pattern of shitty driving in medical professionals. Not sure I have a good enough relationship with her (she is also 35 years older than me) to 'joke' about her driving without coming across like an asshole.

mcseanerson > yamahog
08/21/2014 at 13:21

Yeah, I would take her to the autocross and have her drive a car she has not driven with someone she does not know at all. Keep it very clinical so she doesn't get heated with someone she knows.

yamahog > Nibbles
08/21/2014 at 13:21

Did the same thing when my mom's second husband would try to drive us around drunk... "Don't worry about it, Mom said she wanted me to practice driving!"

Decay buys too many beaters > RazoE
08/21/2014 at 13:21

Best idea I've heard so far.

mcseanerson > mcseanerson
08/21/2014 at 13:23

Actually on top of it if she doesn't know how to drive stick have her drive a stick so she'll be too busy focusing on that to notice you're secretly improving her other car skills as well.

jkm7680 > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:25

Just tell her that her driving is sub par, and for her safety she should take a few classes.

Decay buys too many beaters > mcseanerson
08/21/2014 at 13:26

That would be perfect if she didn't think her driving was perfect already... However I'd pay most of the contents of my bank account just to watch her take a few laps at my local track.

Big Daddy Handsome > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:26

That makes so much sense. Holy shit. I can SEE IT. I CAN FEEL IT.

I'm sorry.

mcseanerson > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:28

A lot of people who think they're great street drivers end up one of two ways. Some know they have no track experience and arrive with an open mind ready to learn. Other's do a couple laps and compare their times and style to the pros and realize they need an open mind ready to learn.

Brian Silvestro > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:31

Just show her this post.

dogisbadob > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:32

Sorry, I had to!

Decay buys too many beaters > mcseanerson
08/21/2014 at 13:33

Not a bad idea, but how do I get someone who derives literally no enjoyment from driving out to a racetrack/autocross. It'd be like me coming up to you and asking if you'd like to go to a vacuum cleaner convention with me.

Sorry that was presumptuous of me, I have no idea if you are a vacuum cleaner enthusiast or not.

mcseanerson > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:36

Kirbys are the shit!

Decay buys too many beaters > Brian Silvestro
08/21/2014 at 13:47

I think just telling her straight up "I think you are a terrible driver, you are dangerous, and I feel dread at the mere thought of getting in a car with you" would be more tactful. She is old enough to not really understand the internet, and would see this as me publicly shaming her (even though I've been intentionally vague enough here to keep her identity secret)

Trust me, you need to walk on eggshells around this woman

Brian Silvestro > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:48

Then do it! Don't be a bitch!

OPPOsaurus WRX > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 13:52

when did we let women drive (joking). Tell her how it is. show her the prove that is probably scraped all over her car.

My sister-in-law drove my wife and I home from a wedding in Boston. I have never thrown up the morning after drinking or ever in a car. She can;t maintain a constant speed. I was hung over as shit. The constant accelerating, coasting accelerating coasting got to me. I puked. I felt it coming so tried to roll down the window but the chld lock was on. I puked. it was in my mouth it was gross I laid down on the seat and tried ot open the door (on the highway) but the fuckin child lock was on that too. Like WTF she doesn;t even have kids. It was a brand new car so I didn't want to make a mess so I grabbed en empty water bottle and spit it all in there filling it just about to the top

Decay buys too many beaters > Brian Silvestro
08/21/2014 at 13:57

Were it one of my family members I'd be all for it, but it's a member of my fiancee's family who happens to be a Chinese immigrant (one does not simply "insult" their elders in Chinese culture)

I was saying that stating it straight out would be more tactful than showing the post, but not nearly tactful enough...

Decay buys too many beaters > OPPOsaurus WRX
08/21/2014 at 14:03

I'm totally going to share this on groupthink (joking).

I'm pretty close to just telling her straight out, but knowing her she will take it as an attack on her character, and it will likely destroy/maim an otherwise pretty good relationship. She is also on my fiancee's side of the family, so it's not like we have blood to tie us together.

As for showing her damages, the car is an appliance to her. A dent here, a scratch there, it doesn't make a bit of difference as long as it goes from A to B.

miadaman? yes please > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 14:07

Show her a dashcam video of what her driving looks like on the road.

Brian Silvestro > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 14:13

Shit, that changes things. Maybe get your fiancee to hint at it to her?

OPPOsaurus WRX > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 14:31

go share it, i'll make some popcorn

Tohru > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 19:25

She's Chinese and driving a Honda on the West Coast? Okay, I'll suspend my disbelief this one time for you...

Seriously though, it's a miracle you're not dead.

Decay buys too many beaters > Tohru
08/21/2014 at 19:57

Yeah I know, she embodies every driving stereotype ever regarding Chinese people.

Tohru > Decay buys too many beaters
08/21/2014 at 20:01

Every time she does something that sucks at driving, scream hysterically that she's going to kill everyone with her driving. I think that's subtle enough.

Hequet > Decay buys too many beaters
08/22/2014 at 00:15

It actually sounds like she might have a problem with her vision. Does she wear glasses? I have a relative who can no longer drive due to SEVERE myopia that can't be corrected with glasses; driving was scary at night for me until I got my prescription updated.

Decay buys too many beaters > Hequet
08/22/2014 at 00:37

Could be, she does wear glasses, but keeps up on her prescriptions to the best of my knowledge.